Mom Tiffany tells the birth story and death of her daughter Khyana, of how she got pregnant with her boyfriend at the time, but she found out that she had an incompetent cervix. She was 1-2 cm dilated around 24 weeks, so they admitted her to the hospital. Tiffany’s water broke a few days later and she developed an infection a week later. She was induced and gave birth to her daughter Khyana, who needed to go to the NICU because her lungs were not developed and needed assistance breathing.
The doctors discovered an infection, likely due to a hole in Khyana’s bowel, and were prepping her for a procedure to fix it, but her heart stopped before the surgery and she died 4 days after she was born.
Watch here (YouTube):
Listen here (podcast):
Time Stamps:
00:00 Welcome
02:43 Pregnancy
05:51 Problems with pregnancy
07:13 Admit to hospital
10:47 Giving birth to Khyana
20:03 Khyana in the NICU
23:49 Khyana has an infection
26:45 Her heart stops
31:49 After she Khyana dies
You might appreciate these other episodes:
- Watch/listen to Tiffany‘s advice episode after Khyana‘s death: Click here
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Full Transcription:
Tiffany 0:01
Khyana.
Tiffany 0:08
I loved her hair. She was so small. I wasn’t expecting her hair to look like that. She has beautiful black hair.
Winter 0:19
Welcome to Still A Part of Us, a place where moms and dads share the story of their child who was stillborn or who died in infancy. I’m Winter.
Lee 0:26
And I’m Lee, we are grateful you joined us today. Please note that this is a story of loss and has triggers.
Winter 0:32
Thanks to our loss parents who are willing to be vulnerable and share their children with us.
Lee 0:36
If you’re listening to this podcast, just know that on our YouTube channel, there are pictures and videos that are related to the stories that are being shared.
Winter 0:43
Subscribe and share it with a friend that might need it and tell them to subscribe. Why? Because people need to know that even though our babies are no longer with us. They’re still a part of us.
Winter 0:56
Tiffany, thank you so much for coming on our podcast today. And we are so so grateful that you have joined us and are willing to tell your story about Khyana. Tell us a little bit about yourself and kind of who you are. What you do, where you’re located currently, and maybe where you were located at the time of Khyana’s birth.
Tiffany 1:18
Well, at the time of her birth, I was in the DC area that was actually working in DC. That was the first job I had out of college. I’d been there for a little over two years at that time. A little over two years, I think. Um, and now I am in Japan.
Winter 1:43
Okay, so you’re in Japan for your work specifically?
Tiffany 1:47
Yes, ma’am.
Winter 1:48
Awesome. And are there any things that you like to do per your, like, as hobbies? Or what kind of things do you like to do on a regular basis?
Tiffany 1:57
I like to travel. That’s been hard with COVID. But I like to travel and see new things. Since I just got here. I can see new things. Because they’re new to me right now. I know later on they probably won’t be new. Right now. I’ll see new things.
Winter 2:15
Yeah, I’m sure you are enjoying that. That’s great. That is awesome. So and then just as a little bit of credit, for context. How long ago did Khyana’s birth happen?
Tiffany 2:27
Next month it will be three years.
Winter 2:29
So it’s been three years since that. So it’s, there’s a little bit of time that has passed by. Okay, well, then, can you give me an idea of what your family looks like? At the time of the birth?
Tiffany 2:43
At the time of the birth it was just me and my boyfriend. He’s my ex now. But it was when we were together.
Winter 2:51
Gotcha. Okay.
Tiffany 2:52
I don’t have any other kids.
Winter 2:54
Okay. Were you always planning on getting pregnant? Was that something that was on your radar?
Tiffany 3:02
No, it was just something that happened. I actually just had PRK about a month before I had gotten pregnant. You’re actually supposed to wait, if you are going to even try to get pregnant. You’re supposed to wait six months to a year. So it was a surprise. Luckily, I can still see.
Winter 3:22
That’s good. Just for everybody PRK is a surgery for your eyes so that you can see a little bit better. Is that correct?
Tiffany 3:29
Yes. It’s similar to LASIK.
Winter 3:31
Yes. Okay. Wonderful. So you were that was a little bit of a surprise for you. Um, so were you concerned about that? Was that something that you were, you know, mad about? Or happy about? Like, were you okay with it? I guess that is the question.
Tiffany 3:50
Um, I was actually kind of surprised that I was pregnant at the time. I was shocked because first like I said earlier, I hit PRK. So it’s like, oh, you’re not supposed to get pregnant. I’m like, I wonder if I lose my eyesight. But the second thing was like okay, we’ll be here in the DC area. Is it expensive to live in the DC area, but I was actually kind of happy.
Winter 4:16
Okay, that’s great. What about your ex? Your boyfriend at the time? What did he think about it?
Tiffany 4:24
He was happy when he actually believed I was pregnant. I don’t know what was going on with him. He was like the pregnancy test lies, but I feel horrible. I feel terrible right now. Like, I feel so sick. Like this is my way of telling the lies out. Eventually I got another test to confirm and he was excited about it after that. He thought the pregnancy test was wrong.
Winter 4:48
You’re like it’s a false positive. Come on. No. Okay, well, that’s great then. How did your pregnancy go? Was it okay? Was it? Were you really sick? It sounded like you were a little sick.
Tiffany 5:05
I was sick. At the time, I was actually morbidly, I’m not morbidly obese anymore, but I was morbidly obese. Um, I had bad eating issues as well. Like my throwing up. I constantly threw up. Anything in my stomach was going to come right back up.
Winter 5:23
Oh.
Tiffany 5:24
Yeah, that first trimester was pretty rough. They told me what medicine–The doctor told me what medicine to take. And it helped a lot. By the time the second trimester came. I was a little more comfortable.
Winter 5:37
Great. Okay, well, that’s good. I know. It’s always tricky. How were your checkups? And as you were going along, were there any health issues, anything that was brought up that was of concern?
Tiffany 5:51
Well, um, first trimester other than I was like throwing up and being morbidly obese, I was fine. The second trimester, they discovered that I had an incompetent cervix. It’s called IC. And with that your cervix is dilating before it’s time. It wasn’t really a fertility issue, it was an issue of staying pregnant.
Winter 6:14
Yeah. Did they do– did they propose anything to try and help make sure that you didn’t go into premature labor?
Tiffany 6:23
They tried. What happened was they gave me progesterone pills to use. I had to take those. Well it took about a week because of insurance to even get them. So they had to do some kind of authorization. As soon as I got that I took them religiously. I went back to the doctor to find out that I am like a centimeter or two dilated already.
Winter 6:47
What week were you with that– would you say that was?
Tiffany 6:50
That was 24 weeks.
Winter 6:53
Oh.
Tiffany 6:54
I was about to be I think I was about 25 weeks. I was 24 weeks. I had just taken a picture with a sticker saying “I’m 24 Weeks Pregnant.”
Winter 7:02
Okay. Oh, man. Okay, so you were taking the progesterone, any other things that they were trying to help? Kind of, like you said, Keep you pregnant.
Tiffany 7:13
They admitted me to the hospital when they saw that I was dilated. I stayed in the hospital for I think about two weeks.
Tiffany 7:21
Oh.
Tiffany 7:21
Yes, in the hospital for about two weeks. And that included having her, but before they found out I was dilated, they took me to I guess like labor and delivery and put me on magnesium to help keep her in.
Tiffany 7:37
Then I went down to another floor after that. The labor and delivery floor was more serious. So after they put me on a magnesium, I was done. They took me to another floor. I forgot the name of it. But it’s for people who are waiting to have their babies who don’t need to be in labor and delivery. They might have a few complications or people who’ve already had that baby.
Winter 7:54
Gotcha. Okay.
Tiffany 7:54
They put me in that area and they gave me– tried to give me medicine and stuff. And make me do bed rest. But unfortunately, it didn’t work. When they were thinking about sending me home, because they thought it might be good to go home soon. So like probably the next day or two. Something like that. That same day my water broke.
Winter 8:16
Oh, it did?
Tiffany 8:18
It was the same day that I was trying to get home. I don’t like hospitals.
Tiffany 8:23
Yeah.
Tiffany 8:23
I don’t like hospitals at all. My water broke that day. So I called the nurse in and they took me back upstairs. They gave me more magnesium, and a ton of pills and antibiotics. Then they took me back downstairs again because they were gonna try to keep her in even though my water broke. As long as I didn’t have an infection.
Winter 8:45
Gotcha. And tell me were you feeling any sort of contractions or anything? Nothing?
Tiffany 8:50
I never felt contractions during that time.
Winter 8:53
Okay, so they were just basically trying to see if she would stay in. As long as there was no sort of infection then they would just kind of proceed as like just keep her in there as long as possible so that she can grow?
Tiffany 9:06
Yeah, they were gonna try to keep I forgot how many weeks 32, 35 or something like that. They were going to try to wait. As long as I wasn’t sick there wasn’t a question. Nothing was going too bad. They have to keep me in the hospital because my water broke. So I couldn’t leave the hospital after that.
Winter 9:20
Right.
Tiffany 9:21
Anything can happen.
Winter 9:22
Yeah. Yeah, exactly. And just to go back a little bit, did you?– It sounds like you guys found out that you were having a girl at maybe the 20 week ultrasound scan?
Tiffany 9:34
Yeah, I think it was around 18-20 weeks.
Winter 9:37
Okay, great. Yeah, yeah, that’s so exciting.
Tiffany 9:41
We both wanted a girl.
Winter 9:42
Really?
Tiffany 9:42
We thought she was gonna be a boy at first, that’s the thing. Because I went to an ultrasound before that with my regular Dr. They were like well, I think it is because I was like, Can you see if it’s a girl or boy? Because it was around that time. She’s like, I can’t make any promises, but I’ll try. She tried to look and she couldn’t really see much because she didn’t want to move. So she’s like, well, I think it might be a boy but don’t buy clothes yet. She’s like, I’m 80% sure it’s a boy. So I was like, wow, okay, and then we had another ultrasound two weeks after that. We found that it was a girl. So we were very happy because we both wanted a girl.
Winter 10:19
That’s so great. That’s kind of fun or different. You’re like, Oh, just kidding. I guess we are having a girl. That’s great.
Tiffany 10:26
Yes.
Winter 10:28
Okay, so then you were in the hospital. You have been on bedrest? Yeah, you’ve been on bed rest for two weeks. Then the day that you decide to go, you’re like, we’re going to get you discharged. They are trying to get you out of your water breaks. Is that 26 weeks at that time, then?
Tiffany 10:47
Um, so I was on bed rest. I got there around 24 weeks. I was on bed rest for like, a few days. Then my water broke. It was close to a weekend when my water broke.
Winter 10:58
I see. Okay, yeah. Okay.
Tiffany 11:01
After that, then they say, okay, we’re gonna try to keep her in. But about a week after my water broke, I had started feeling very bad, I felt bad. I woke up one morning and was just really tired. I tried to do the normal stuff. There was a set schedule every day. I knew what was going on. I was laying in bed, a bunch of doctors coming in. That was what’s going to happen. I knew the same shows on TV already, because I had been watching TV.
Tiffany 11:31
So that day, I felt really bad. Later on that evening, I couldn’t eat. I could barely eat lunch. That was weird. I was always hungry. I could barely eat lunch. Then later, I just started feeling worse. So that was like, what you call it, maybe a resident or something came in and I told him I said, You know, I don’t I really don’t feel well. He asked me if I had a fever? I thought it was their job. But he asked me if I have a fever. And I was like, I don’t think so. He was like, oh, okay, then you’re probably just tired or something like that. But it’s the thing. It was the evening. So the doctors come back to that .
Tiffany 12:10
So even though he said that there was gonna be somebody else coming in at least two, three minutes later. They always play me like that in the evening. I said that, I’m just going to talk to the next nurse. I said, I want to talk to the next doctor nurse that comes in here.
Winter 12:22
Yeah.
Tiffany 12:22
So another two or three minutes later, another nurse came in. And I told her, I said, I don’t feel good. She asked me a few more details to describe what was going on. I did and she was like, hold on. I’m going to go and get something to check your temperature. I’ll be right back. So she came in, she checked my temperature. And she was like, Okay, I gotta look at the doctor. Because I had a fever and the way I was describing how I was feeling, she was like, yeah, I gotta go get the doctor. I’ll be right back okay.
Tiffany 12:48
So the doctor came in and the doctor was like, I’m gonna do some more blood work on you. But I think we need to go to labor and delivery. And she’s like, I’m gonna get you prepped and I’m gonna do the blood work really quickly. I’m gonna get you prepped, then we’re gonna go up to labor and delivery. It is time for you to give birth because you have an infection. I think you have an infection.
Winter 13:08
Okay. What were you thinking at that time? When they’re like, Okay, it’s time.
Tiffany 13:12
Yeah, I cried. I cried when she told me that because I was only like, 26 weeks, 26 and a half weeks. So I cried. My ex at the time I called him because he was at home. So he came to visit and stuff of course, but he was working.
Winter 13:27
Yeah.
Tiffany 13:28
He had gotten off at the time. So he was at home. I thought he was at home. I call him like, Hey, I’m gonna have to give birth, you’re going to have to come up here. And he’s like, Okay. He’s like, he was leaving the grocery store or something. He’s like I’m gonna throw this in the house. Then I’m coming right up there.
Tiffany 13:44
So he came. They put me in a room. They put me back on magnesium again. And they let him in. And then they gave me the pitocin to induce contractions, because throughout the whole thing, I never had contractions. I never really was in pain the whole time until they gave me the pitocin to start the contractions.
Tiffany 14:10
Yeah. And those can be powerful contractions.
Tiffany 14:15
Very powerful contractions. It was pretty bad. So because I wanted to give birth without an epidural, but because I was given pitocin I was like, I need the epidural.
Winter 14:25
Yeah, you’re like, bring it on.
Tiffany 14:28
Yeah, I’m basically like, bring it on. But it was pretty quick. Because that night is when I was induced. I had her that next morning.
Winter 14:34
Oh, wow. Okay. Yeah, very quickly. Um, so obviously, when you were told that you had to have your baby basically because you have an infection. You’re at 27 weeks, have the doc-
Tiffany 14:49
–26 weeks.
Winter 14:50
Excuse me. 26 weeks, had the doctors talk to you about what that meant if the baby was going to be born at that time. What did they tell you?
Tiffany 15:01
Um, they told me about learning disabilities and breathing issues. They told me that when I first got to the hospital and got admitted in general I was like 24 weeks. They tell me that then. Then as I was, before I gave birth, when I was laying in the hospital bed on labor delivery, before I had her. They were telling me about the complications. They told me that girls have a slight, slightly higher chance of surviving the boys. They told me neurological issues, you know, things like that could happen. Breathing issues, and they told me that they were going to try to help her. And you know, stuff doctors usually say.
Winter 15:38
Yeah. What were you thinking about what they were saying? Were you worried about all those things? Well, I guess the other thing is that you were worried about the possibility that she wouldn’t make it?
Tiffany 15:51
I was. I told my ex when we first got to the hospital when I was in labor and delivery. I told him at the beginning I said, she’s not gonna make it. I said, she’s gonna die. We’re gonna lose her. I told him that at 24 weeks. I said she’s not gonna make it. He said yes she is. I’m crying and I said no she’s not. She’s not going to make it. She’s not gonna make it. The second time that the doctor was talking to me right before I gave birth. I was actually Okay, at that point. I wasn’t crying or anything. I was fine at that point.
Tiffany 16:29
When I gave birth to her that morning, she came out and she didn’t cry. I was like why? I couldn’t see it at first, because the way they had me positioned. Why wasn’t she crying? Why didn’t she cry? My ex Corey is explaining that she’s just looking around. Like, she wasn’t crying. But she was so amazing. She was so surprised she couldn’t cry. So I was laughing because she wasn’t crying. She tried to cry a little bit after they tried to get her away. But she was so surprised. She just looked around the whole time.
Winter 17:03
Really?
Tiffany 17:05
Really.
Winter 17:05
She’s just looking around observing the world. She’s like, wait a second.
Tiffany 17:09
In shock observing the world. That’s why she didn’t cry. So she came out and my ex is like, look I told you she was gonna be okay. Look, she’s looking around. She’s looking around. She’s, she’s gonna be okay. He went over there to look at her while they were doing work on her and stuff. They took her as soon as I had her. They took her and they put her in a room kind of connected to mine. They put her in that tube and put the bags and everything on her. And he was like, you know, I looked over and she’s okay. She’s fine. And I was like, okay, and one other thing. They told me before I gave birth, they say I might not see her for 24 hours. And I was thinking why I said I was like, that’s not gonna happen. But oh, yeah, I made sure that didn’t happen. I went to see you.
Winter 17:51
Oh, good. So you labored. They started you on pitocin the night before. And then you gave birth to her in the morning? What time is it in the morning?
Tiffany 17:59
I think it was like five. I’m not exactly sure about the time. I forgot the actual time. It was like five or something in the morning.
Winter 18:06
Okay, so several hours of laboring and when you gave birth, what, what was your feeling? Like? And it sounds like you were a little concerned that she wasn’t crying. But um, how did you feel?
Tiffany 18:18
I was happy after I gave birth to her. So they said, you know, we’re going to take it to the NICU. And after they took her away, I fell asleep immediately.
Winter 18:24
Oh?
Tiffany 18:24
Like as soon as they took her away, I fell asleep. And then after that, I woke up and I was like— because they told me before I fell asleep they said call us when you’re ready to get up and go to the restroom. Okay. So I fell asleep and I woke up and I was called by the nurse. I said, Okay, I’m ready to go to the restroom and I’m ready to see my daughter Khyana.
Winter 18:46
Okay, yeah.
Tiffany 18:48
They helped me and put me in a wheelchair. The first time I went down there.
Winter 18:53
Okay.
Tiffany 18:54
To see her because it was a lot. Then they moved me. They made sure I was okay and they moved me back downstairs again since I’ve given birth. After that, I knew what they showed me where the NICU was at. So I just used the rail and walked myself— using the rail I dragged myself down there. Kind of like walking. They were like Wow, you’re doing great. I was like yeah my daughter’s in the NICU. I can’t wait for somebody to bring me a wheelchair. I gotta go see her.
Winter 19:19
Yeah, that’s great. Was it on the same floor at least?
Tiffany 19:24
It was on the same floor.
Winter 19:24
Okay good because I was like oh man!
Tiffany 19:25
It was a long hallway or what felt like a long hallway. It was on the same floor.
Winter 19:31
Okay.
Tiffany 19:33
Yeah, everybody’s like you’re doing amazing after all that. I can’t believe you can get up and go down the hall. Because of everything that happened. I was like, yeah.
Winter 19:42
Yeah. So she is. So when she came out, was she breathing on her own? Was she doing okay, like how? Was there any physical things that she was kind of struggling with? I guess she is only 26 weeks old. So that’s why I’m wondering.
Tiffany 20:04
She didn’t have anything like her outside. She didn’t have any physical deformities or anything. They did have to help her with breathing. They actually took her off the breathing thing at one point for a very short period of time, I think maybe about an hour, hour and a half. But she wasn’t ready for it yet, so they’ve kind of put her back on there.
Winter 20:24
Yeah.
Tiffany 20:25
It was mostly her inside. Her outside was perfect. She is still very small, but she was a pound and 14 ounces.
Winter 20:32
Oh, that’s small.
Tiffany 20:33
Extremely small, but her outside looked perfect. It was the inside that we’re having the issues with.
Winter 20:39
Yeah, so her lungs were probably not developed and any other things that they told you about?
Tiffany 20:46
It was mainly just her lungs and there’s like, you know, certain parts of her, you know, insides might not have developed fully, but it was mainly I think her lungs until she was about four days old.
Winter 20:59
Gotcha. Okay. So tell me her name is Khyana. How did you guys choose that name? Is there any special meaning behind it?
Tiffany 21:10
Not really. See we didn’t want her to have a name that everybody else had. My ex and I were watching something on TV and something or someone’s name was Tiana. He was like, he was like, how about Tiana? I said no, not Tiana. He was like, Okay, how about Khyana? I was like okay, I want to do Khyana. So that’s what we decided to call her and my sister actually came up with the spelling. So I wasn’t sure how I was going to spell it. My little sister came up with it.
Winter 21:40
Nice. Okay, well, that’s, I love it when people are like, this sounds good. This fits her.
Tiffany 21:46
Yes. That’s basically what happened.
Winter 21:48
So she is in the NICU and you are basically hanging out with her going and visiting her as much as possible. So what happens when she’s in the hospital?
Tiffany 22:01
So the hospital that I gave birth at that’s where she stayed until she was four days old. So I told my boyfriend at the time. I was like, Can you bring a children’s book up here so we can actually read to her while she’s in the NICU. So that’s what we would do. We would both go to the NICU together and we would sit down and read to her.
Winter 22:22
That is great. She’s all hooked up though. And everything to a breathing machine.
Tiffany 22:28
Yeah. It was hard. The first time I saw her I broke down crying because I saw all the tubes and stuff. All these machines and I started crying.
Winter 22:37
Yeah. Were you able to hold her at all
Tiffany 22:41
Not until she passed away unfortunately. I was able to hold her hands and stuff. But they wouldn’t let me pick her up and hold her out of the incubator type thing until she passed away.
Winter 22:52
Yeah. That’s that doesn’t. That’s not great.
Tiffany 22:57
Yeah. It was horrible.
Winter 23:00
Yeah. So you guys are taking some time and spending it with her. She’s doing okay. It sounds like for a few days. Obviously, she can’t breathe on her own. But she is still doing okay. Is she putting on some weight.? I’m assuming they were giving her some tube feeds or something like that?
Tiffany 23:17
Yeah, they were tube feeding her. And I was also pumping.
Winter 23:21
Oh Okay.
Tiffany 23:22
She did end up losing an ounce though. Going down to a pound and 13 ounces. And yeah, that was pretty rough. But I mean, it was only so much feeding her and giving her stuff that they could do to keep her weight up.
Winter 23:36
Yeah. And babies usually do lose a little bit of weight while they’re in the hospital. In that first little bit. So what then happens?
Tiffany 23:45
Day four we go in and we leave the house. We leave our house, we drive to the hospital. We go in and we see this x-ray machine over her. I was like why do they have that x-ray machine over her? The doctors are just like standing around. I noticed her stomach was distended. I was like what’s going on. The doctor was like, you know, we need to talk to you. I guess we came in at perfect timing before they called us. I was like, No. They said well we need to talk to you. They thought she needed surgery. She had some issue with her bowel and she needed surgery. And we need to transfer her to another hospital. To a children’s hospital with a level four because that’s a level three NICU I was at with her. She needed to be transferred to a level four NICU for surgery.
Winter 24:40
Oh, wow. Was that hospital far away from the current hospital?
Tiffany 24:45
They were actually right beside each other.
Winter 24:47
Oh, okay.
Tiffany 24:47
So they are pretty much beside each other.
Winter 24:49
Okay, so it wouldn’t have been a super crazy trip or anything to get her there.
Tiffany 24:56
Yeah, it wasn’t a crazy trip. It took a minute though because the ambulance had to get all the equipment on her. Then get her there with all the equipment and stuff. So that’s what took a minute really.
Winter 25:12
When the doctor said that there was something wrong with her bowels, did they tell you it was a blockage? Did they give you any idea of what was going on specifically and what they would have to do for surgery?
Tiffany 25:26
Yeah, they thought maybe there was a hole or something in her bowel. They kind of told me it was some procedure that they wanted to get the air out because her stomach was so distended.
Tiffany 25:35
Okay.
Tiffany 25:37
So they want to do something to let the air out of her stomach when they transfer her. They couldn’t do it there, so they want to do it the other hospital.
Winter 25:44
Okay. So they transferred her and then she went into surgery. Is that right?
Tiffany 25:51
Yeah, I told her bye at the hospital. That was the last time I saw her alive at that hospital. At the level three NICU the one I gave birth to her in. When they transferred her. I didn’t see her. I saw the cart. The thing that she was in, but I couldn’t see her when they went past me.
Winter 26:12
Because you are still admitted in the hospital?
Tiffany 26:15
I just got out like I think a day or two before that. I just got out of the hospital.
Winter 26:19
Okay, so you really had not you hadn’t been spending tons of time with her. You were there and I’m sure you were in the NICU a bit, but you didn’t really get that the last time you saw her alive was right there in the NICU. So, what kind of risks and I guess what kind of odds and risks did the doctors tell you about even that surgery as she was going into it?
Tiffany 26:44
They told me that the surgery, it does come with risk, but it will. It will help and it’s better than leaving her the way she was. The thing is she never ended up getting the surgery. They were preparing to give her the surgery. They were prepping like cleaning up like wiping down stuff like that. They were prepping her for surgery. That’s when her heart stopped.
Winter 27:09
Oh?
Tiffany 27:10
So, she never even got the surgery.
Winter 27:12
Oh, wow. So her heart stopped when she was in the OR basically. I’m assuming they tried life saving measures as best as they could?
Tiffany 27:24
They did. They came out and they told us about her. Because I heard a light go off. I saw a light go off. I knew honestly I just didn’t want to believe it. But I knew it was hers.
Winter 27:37
Really?
Tiffany 27:38
It was code blue, or something like that. A light had gone off. It was making noise and everybody took off into that room. So we weren’t in the room at the time it was in a waiting room.
Tiffany 27:47
I knew it at the time before they even told us. I knew. We both– me and my ex we both kind of figured that was hers.
Winter 27:54
So you see everybody head off into that room. You kind of have this feeling. Do they come out and tell you shortly afterward? What’s the time timeline of events there?
Tiffany 28:07
They tried. They came out and told us.
Tiffany 28:09
Okay, so after we saw everybody go into the room somebody later came out. It was two people who later came out and they said hey, like we’re trying to resuscitate your daughter. We are trying the best we can and stuff like that. It was another parent. There were more parents in the room. I started crying after that. That’s before we even got to go back there. But I started crying and everyone was like it’s okay, this happened to my son as well or something like that. She said that this happened to my son before to– Yeah, I think it’s her child. Her child as well and she’s like it will be okay because I was crying in the waiting room.
Tiffany 28:47
So the next time somebody came back out, they took us back. They didn’t tell us that they wanted to stop at a time. They just said we’re gonna take you back there with her. We walked in and we saw all these people over her like people putting drugs into her IV. Trying to give her CPR. We saw all of that when we walked in. I was just shocked.
Tiffany 29:11
The doctor was like,– what was the exact word that she said– There’s only one next step to take or something like that. And I was like, What is it? So we want to stop with resuscitation. We want to stop. And I started crying. The doctor put her hand up. She told him to stop. But after that honestly I do not think there was no bringing her back anyway. But the doctor told her to stop.
Tiffany 29:42
After that my ex stormed out of the room. I was just in the room crying because somebody had brought me some water in there or something. So, somebody went and found him and brought him back, but we were devastated.
Winter 29:59
Yeah. Yeah, how could you not be? So did you get to spend some time with her?After she passed away?
Tiffany 30:08
After she passed away, they let us hold her. They let us hold her and hold as long as we wanted to. Someone, I think a chaplain or pastor asked if we needed anyone at the moment. I was like no. No, we don’t want to talk to a chaplain or pastor or anything right now.
Tiffany 30:31
Then, you know, the doctors and nurses, they kept coming in and checking on us. They let us do the molds with her, as well as let us take pictures with her after she passed away. I can’t look at those pictures that they took. It’s been almost three years and I still can’t put that jump drive into my computer and look at them.
Winter 30:50
Yeah, it’s too hard. Sometimes. It’s so hard.
Tiffany 30:54
Yeah. There was actually a nurse there that had lost her son. Her son was I think her son was stillborn. So she came in and checked on us a lot. She was really sweet. She actually started crying too because I was asking her what to do? And she started crying too.
Winter 31:13
Yep, it’s such a terrible thing. It’s so yeah, it’s devastating. And to have to remember all of that. So were we able to do the hand and foot molds?
Tiffany 31:25
Yes.
Winter 31:26
Awesome.
Tiffany 31:29
One they did with her father actually came out better than mine. Those did come out a little better.
Winter 31:38
Then you guys got some photos, which is great. And Was that something that the hospital did like that? Were they able to take pictures? Or were you guys just have cell phones and that type of thing and took pictures with her?
Tiffany 31:49
Actually, right after she passed? I told my ex I wanted a picture. I wanted a picture with them. So I can look at the one that was actually on my phone. I took a picture with her. I’ve never posted it. I never shared it with anybody. Because for me personally, I didn’t see her alive. I don’t want to post pictures of her not being alive.
Winter 32:10
Yeah.
Tiffany 32:11
So that was it for me. Like they’re there for my viewing only. They’re not for like the world’s viewing. So I’ve never shared those.
Winter 32:19
Yeah, those can be so precious. And so personal and private. I think that’s great. That those should be yours. So you’re in the hospital. You guys get to spend some time. What were the next steps? What did they tell you about that? About what needed to happen after she passed away?
Tiffany 32:44
Oh, they basically told us a social worker will be in contact with you. I remember that part. They gave me a few resources, but those were the main two things. I had a doctor. Well, I think she was a nurse who came out and told me she was like, you know, I didn’t know her long. But she was very feisty. Yeah it hurt a lot.
Winter 33:10
Yeah. I like that. She was very feisty.
Tiffany 33:13
Yeah, actually, I was happy that you know, someone said something good about her.
Winter 33:17
Yeah, exactly. We want people to talk about our kids in a good light, right?
Tiffany 33:24
Yes.
Winter 33:26
So a social worker comes in, you get some resources. Do they tell you what needs to happen? Like do they offer like, okay, you need to figure out what, what needs to happen in regards to her body.
Tiffany 33:39
Um, that came later the social worker came later they gave, they said, someone’s got to be in contact with me. So I think there was a social worker there. But that’s not the person that I ended up talking to afterwards. They assigned me to someone else. She was the one who called, she told me about, well, first, I need to think about it after she died.
Tiffany 33:59
That’s the weird thing. I didn’t think about what to do with her body. I never thought about that part. Like it never crossed my mind until they called me and asked me if I wanted to cremate her or have a funeral. I told them I will call them back later while I was crying. Because at that point, well, I’m not gonna back up a little bit. So I might Yeah, I might start off a little bit. So we left the hospital.
Tiffany 34:22
Okay.
Tiffany 34:23
With the baby stuff. Like all the stuff we had her because we were in a program. There was some program in the DC area where if you went to a few classes, they would give you stuff for your baby. So all this stuff, my ex had gotten the stuff while I was in the hospital and put it in the house because he was like, okay, so she’s in the hospital and now she’s probably going to give birth early. We’ll go ahead and give you everything.
Tiffany 34:46
So all the stuff was basically in the living room.
Winter 34:48
Oh?
Tiffany 34:50
I went immediately to our bedroom and cried. I couldn’t I couldn’t deal with the stuff in the living room.
Winter 34:58
Yeah.
Tiffany 34:59
I had my ex move everything into the second bedroom that we had at the apartment,so I can come out. My family actually came the next day after everything happened because they’re in Georgia and were in the DC area. So they were afraid.
Winter 35:18
Yeah.
Tiffany 35:19
So they ended up coming as well.
Winter 35:22
That’s great. So they were able to be with you and help you with everything.
Tiffany 35:28
Yeah, they were able to come and help me. Um, it was pretty difficult because I would just wake up and I would cry every day. Pretty much like that’s there. Yeah, the first few days that she died every day, I woke up in the morning, just crying because I knew she wasn’t there anymore.
Tiffany 35:42
I couldn’t pump because I was full of milk, but I couldn’t pump it because I’m like, I don’t want to use the machine. I just didn’t want to touch it. I guess it hurt. It hurt too much emotionally to touch it. So I was just in pain. I could get a little bit out like in the shower and stuff. But I was hurting a little bit physically too. Someone told me some over the counter stuff that can help. I did stuff like that. That dried it up versus trying to pump anymore.
Winter 36:13
Yeah. Okay.
Tiffany 36:15
I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t do it.
Winter 36:18
Yeah, it’s just another painful reminder. I think it’s another painful reminder that your baby’s not there. It stinks. So your family’s home with you. It sounds like obviously, you are so sad and crying a fair amount. Then is that when the social worker or the hospital calls and asks what you guys want to do with Khyana’s body?
Tiffany 36:42
Yes, she called right– Because my ex, he actually went back to work like two days later, I think. Because the next day was a holiday, Memorial Day. The next day was a holiday. The day after that he went back to work. So he wasn’t there, my family was there, but he went straight back to work immediately.
Tiffany 37:01
So when they called the social worker, I talked to her a little bit before that. But then she called one day and asked. I knew they were doing an autopsy. So I knew that part. But I didn’t. I just didn’t think about what they would do with the body afterwards like no clue. When they call and ask, I’m like, I don’t know what to do. I’m just crying really hard. My mom, she kind of brought me down.
Tiffany 37:24
So my ex came, my boyfriend at the time, he came to the door. We talked about it because at first I kind of wanted to do a funeral. Then I decided not to. I didn’t do that. To me. Me personally. It feels weird to have a body just sitting in the ground in a casket forever. So I didn’t. I didn’t want that for her. So we decided on cremation. We actually were able to actually cremate her for free.
Winter 37:54
Okay.
Tiffany 37:55
Yeah, it was some program that they had.
Winter 37:58
I do want to go back, Tiffany about the autopsy. So they wanted to so I’m assuming you consented to having an autopsy on Khyana to figure out what happened. So what was it? Was there anything conclusive about that?
Tiffany 38:13
Um, yeah, they told me that when it was finally over with, they called me up. They called me up and picked out a day. They told me that it was– a hard day because the doctor that was there for the day a social worker was like, “Hey, we thought she was going to be available. She was supposed to be available, but something happened. Did you want to reschedule it, or do you just want to talk to the person who did the autopsy?” I’m like, well, I’ve been waiting long enough for this at this point. I’m like, I just want to talk to the person who did the autopsy?
Winter 38:47
Yeah. And how and how long was that? Before you got that information?
Tiffany 38:52
Um, I can’t quite remember. I think it was about two months.
Winter 38:56
Okay. I was gonna say–
Tiffany 38:57
–It wasn’t an immediate thing.
Winter 38:59
Yeah, exactly. I know a lot of people think that the autopsy is done. And then it’s like, oh, it’s like a you know, three days later, but I think that’s one thing that people–
Tiffany 39:07
I wish.
Winter 39:07
Yeah, that’s one thing people I don’t think realize is that autopsies take a lot of time to do because they have to evaluate tissues and write reports and everything like that. So it does take like two months, like two or three months sometimes. So you did talk to that doctor, or yeah, you probably talked to the doctor who performed the autopsy. So what did they say?
Tiffany 39:28
Um, they told me that because of the hole in her bowel. She was it— the whole in her bowel was pretty much what killed her and the fact that she was only like a pound and 13 ounces as well. I think that’s– I’m not really sure what they said about her heart and lungs and stuff. I think those were kind of weak as well, which was typical. But the main thing that killed her was her size and the infection that she had because she also had an infection in the hole in her bowel.
Tiffany 39:58
Yes, okay. So that would be so hard. Did you guys do any sort of memorial service? I know that you cremated her, but did you guys have any sort of yeah memorial service for her? Since it sounds like your family was there and or nearby anyway?
Tiffany 40:19
Um yeah, we did. We went to Georgia and had it because my ex he’s from Georgia and I am as well. We’re from different parts of Georgia.
Winter 40:27
Gotcha.
Tiffany 40:28
We are both from Georgia. So we went to Georgia, and went to my parents house and hadit. His side of his family came as well. We had this big cookout. We had someone say a prayer before we ate it. It was nice. We had drinks. It was fun. It was fun. I enjoyed it wasn’t like a sad thing. That’s why I don’t like funerals personally.
Winter 40:53
Yeah.
Tiffany 40:54
I wanted to do a celebration of life thing and just enjoy the life that– the short life that she did have. I don’t want to sit around and cry at a funeral that is just me personally.
Winter 41:04
Yeah, yeah. No, no, I think that’s how you would want to honor her. Right? I mean, you don’t want to be sitting around being sad. So that was probably quite the, that sounded like that was good. Maybe healing to have that time together as a family and to think about her. Now I guess the question is, how are you doing now? Like, how has it been for you?
Tiffany 41:33
The month of May is always the hardest for me because her birthday ,her death day, and Mother’s Day are all in the same month.
Winter 41:40
It is just that’s like–
Tiffany 41:42
-It destroys me every year until the end. I managed from the beginning of that month to around the 29th or 30th is when I’m okay.
Winter 41:51
Yeah.
Tiffany 41:52
But that whole month I am a disaster.
Winter 41:55
Yeah. Just a reminder, right.
Tiffany 41:58
A painful reminder.
Winter 42:01
Just a reminder. Well, can you tell me a little bit more? Anything more that you would like to tell us about Khyana about who she was and like yeah anything that you want to tell us that you’d like to remember about her?
Tiffany 42:17
Um, I like to remember how sometimes she actually had a tight grip to be so small with her hands she actually had a really tight grip. I was really happy that she actually was –I mean she was four pounds 14 ounces so she was weaker, but she really didn’t look like it. She actually was a little strong. I saw muscles in her calf and stuff. I was like wow, I wasn’t expecting that. I was expecting a frail baby. A very frail deformed baby. I wasn’t expecting that. I know her insides we’re not formed correctly, but on the outside. She’s just an extremely small baby.
Winter 43:04
Yeah. Yeah. That’s awesome.
Winter 43:11
Well, Tiffany, thank you so much for sharing the story of your sweet daughter Khyana. We appreciate you sharing it. It’s always hard and I hope this honors her.
Tiffany 43:24
Thank you.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai