infant death

Trigger Warning: This episode discusses infant loss, including miscarriage and stillbirth. Please listen with care.

Little baby Nicholas was diagnosed with multicystic dysplastic kidney syndrome after an anatomy scan. Doctors advised that they would just keep an eye on it, assuring Jennifer that he should be a normal functioning baby. Tragically, Nicholas had blood clots in his umbilical cord and was stillborn at 33 weeks.

In this episode, Jennifer shares her journey, including her move to Florida, discovering she was pregnant, and finding new care for herself and her baby. She talks about choosing the name Nicholas after learning she was pregnant in December. Jennifer also reflects on the heartbreaking moment when she was told that her son no longer had a heartbeat.

Listen to the podcast here:

Some highlights from our conversation with Jennifer:

• A difficult delivery experience and the trauma following her baby’s death
• Confusion and frustration with medical staff during a stressful hospital visit
• Memories of Nicholas, including a memory box given to them at the hospital
• Events during the funeral planning and service and dealing with the loss of a child due to 
• Losing Nicholas at birth due to an umbilical cord complication

While the pain of losing Nicholas may never fade, Jennifer continues to honor his memory in meaningful ways, finding healing and purpose along the journey.

Quotes:

“My baby shower was supposed to be the weekend that he passed away. So that was kind of hard to call people and say, ‘Hey, you know, please don’t show up at my house.’” – Jennifer (16:34)

“I cremated him because I wanted him to come home in some sense.” – Jennifer (48:34)

Other Episodes You Might Appreciate:

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/ive-learned-how-to-be-fine-after-11-years-advice-from/id1473594556?i=1000663560485

Support the Show:

By donating $5 or $10, you’ll be supporting the ongoing production of these stories. We appreciate your help toward production and hosting costs. 

Donate here: https://ko-fi.com/stillapartofus

Thank you for your support! 

Subscribe:

YOUTUBE: 

Please subscribe to our YouTube channel for more birth stories from families who have experienced a stillbirth or infant loss. We’re grateful that you’re part of our community! https://www.youtube.com/stillapartofus

THE PODCAST:

Please subscribe to Still A Part of Us wherever you find podcasts.

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/still-a-part-of-us-a-podcast-about/id1473594556

Links: 

Grief Support Groups: https://nationalshare.org/

Some of these links are affiliate links, which means we may get a small commission off your purchase, at no extra cost to you.

Trigger Warning: This episode discusses infant loss, including miscarriage and stillbirth. Please listen with care.

After a decade has passed, the pain of losing a child never fades. Today’s guest, Jennifer, shares the challenges she’s faced since that routine checkup when she discovered her son, Nicholas, no longer had a heartbeat.

In this episode, Jennifer and Winter talk about the years following Nicholas’s passing, the sweet help she received from her family (especially from the family dog), and the meaningful ways she remembers her son to build a legacy for him.

Listen to the podcast here:

Some highlights from our conversation with Jennifer:

• The importance of emotional support that doesn’t try to “fix” grief
• The struggle of packing away Nicholas’s belongings after his passing
• Dealing with insensitive comments and advice from others
• Emotions that come up on Father’s Day
• Finding solace in honoring Nicholas’s legacy

Jennifer’s story is one of strength. Through honoring Nicholas’s memory, she has been able to find both comfort and purpose. How do you keep the memory of your little one alive?

Quotes:

“I know he’s in the best place he can be. But like, in my mom-heart, like, he needs to be here with his mom.” – Jennifer (13:39)

“My amazing maternal fetal medicine doctor, when I was getting moved to the rooms, gave me a hug. And she said, ‘You’ll never get over this, but you will get through this’ and that stuck with me every day.” – Jennifer (20:46)

Other Episodes You Might Appreciate:

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/telling-his-story-after-11-years-a-mothers-stillbirth-story/id1473594556?i=1000662864599

Support the Show:

By donating $5 or $10, you’ll be supporting the ongoing production of these stories. We appreciate your help toward production and hosting costs. 

Donate here: https://ko-fi.com/stillapartofus

Thank you for your support! 

Subscribe:

YOUTUBE: 

Please subscribe to our YouTube channel for more birth stories from families who have experienced a stillbirth or infant loss. We’re grateful that you’re part of our community! https://www.youtube.com/stillapartofus

THE PODCAST:

Please subscribe to Still A Part of Us wherever you find podcasts.

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/still-a-part-of-us-a-podcast-about/id1473594556

Links: 

Grief Support Groups: https://nationalshare.org/

Some of these links are affiliate links, which means we may get a small commission off your purchase, at no extra cost to you.

Trigger Warning: This episode discusses infant loss, including miscarriage and stillbirth. Please listen with care.

In this episode, Winter and Lee reflect on how they navigate the grief and loss of their sweet baby boy, Brannan. They share an update on their healing journey, how they honored Brannan’s sixth birthday, and discuss how they continue to heal while keeping his memory alive. 

Lee also reads an essay he wrote about the forces that turn dangerous broken glass into something beautiful.

Listen to the podcast here:

Some highlights from our conversation with Winter and Lee:

• Celebrating Brannan’s sixth birthday
• Reflecting on the different phases of grief
• Comparing grief to sea glass and the beauty that can come from pain
• Finding solace in remembering their sweet baby boy on his birthday
• How honoring their baby boy brings peace and a deeper sense of family

While the reminder of the loss of a child can be painful, it’s possible to find comfort in celebrating their life. How do you remember your child on their birthday? We’d love to hear your stories.

Quotes:

“It was nice and we didn’t go over the top. [And nobody] I don’t think we felt like we were guilting anybody to celebrate with us. And it was very well incorporated into what a birthday for a six year old would be like in our family.” – Lee and Winter (2:02)

“This year was my son Brannan’s sixth birthday, and maybe for the first time, it was a very peaceful, calm day for me. It wasn’t filled with hectic scheduling, trying to figure out how to get fundraising, or do service projects. It was a day of remembrance and a day of family.” – Lee (8:21)

Support the Show:

By donating $5 or $10, you’ll be supporting the ongoing production of these stories. We appreciate your help toward production and hosting costs. 

Donate here: https://ko-fi.com/stillapartofus

Thank you for your support! 

Subscribe:

YOUTUBE: 

Please subscribe to our YouTube channel for more birth stories from families who have experienced a stillbirth or infant loss. We’re grateful that you’re part of our community! https://www.youtube.com/stillapartofus

THE PODCAST:

Please subscribe to Still A Part of Us wherever you find podcasts.

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/still-a-part-of-us-a-podcast-about/id1473594556

Links: 

Grief Support Groups: https://nationalshare.org/

Some of these links are affiliate links, which means we may get a small commission off your purchase, at no extra cost to you.

Trigger Warning: This episode discusses infant loss, including miscarriage and stillbirth. Please listen with care.

There’s not only heartbreak, but resilience that comes with the loss of a child. Our guest, Scott, shares about the devastating loss of his beautiful son, Benjamin, at 40 weeks and how this has reshaped his life and strengthened his bond with his family.

In today’s episode, Scott and Lee talk about the heartbreaking moment when Scott and his wife, Veronika, discovered Benjamin had only one umbilical artery, sparking fears around the diagnosis. Scott dives into the painful experience of going to the hospital after noticing a lack of movement from Benjamin, only to hear the words no parent wants to hear: “He has no heartbeat.”

Listen to the podcast here:

Some highlights from our conversation with Scott:

• The events leading up to Benjamin’s birth
• Scott’s struggle to process his emotions 
• Arranging Benjamin’s cremation and saying goodbye
• Explaining Benjamin’s passing to his two young children
• The role grief support groups played in helping him process his feelings and find community

Though the pain of Benjamin’s loss remains, Scott has so much gratitude for the growth and resilience he has gained. He now approaches life with a renewed sense of purpose and awareness of what truly matters—all while carrying Benjamin’s memory.

Quotes:

‘There are problems and solutions, and you want to try to figure out how to handle this. And I didn’t know what to do in that situation. It is very confusing. It’s, it’s frightening, it’s, it’s scary, it’s heartbreaking––all at the same time.” – Scott (27:22)

“As men, we tend to bottle things up more and we try to figure out how to handle it ourselves, but it did help to kind of hear some techniques and things to work on.” – Scott (49:05)

Other Episodes You Might Appreciate:

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/i-had-become-a-true-partner-with-my-wife-after-his/id1473594556?i=1000668757783

Support the Show:

By donating $5 or $10, you’ll be supporting the ongoing production of these stories. We appreciate your help toward production and hosting costs. 

Donate here: https://ko-fi.com/stillapartofus

Thank you for your support! 

Subscribe:

YOUTUBE: 

Please subscribe to our YouTube channel for more birth stories from families who have experienced a stillbirth or infant loss. We’re grateful that you’re part of our community! https://www.youtube.com/stillapartofus

THE PODCAST:

Please subscribe to Still A Part of Us wherever you find podcasts.

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/still-a-part-of-us-a-podcast-about/id1473594556

Links: 

Grief Support Groups: https://nationalshare.org/

Some of these links are affiliate links, which means we may get a small commission off your purchase, at no extra cost to you.

Trigger Warning: This episode discusses infant loss, including miscarriage and stillbirth. Please listen with care.

They say time heals all wounds, and for today’s guest, Scott, that’s been true. Although everyone’s journey through grief is different, as time passes, the process of healing can start.

In this episode, Scott shares the story of losing his son, Benjamin, due to a single umbilical artery. Scott talks with Lee about how he and his family found support from a local pastor even though they weren’t from the area. He also opens up about the challenges that grief can bring to a marriage and the importance of leaning on each one another.

Listen to the podcast here:

Some highlights from our conversation with Veronika:

• Support from the church––receiving meals and prayers
• How grief impacts marriages and why leaning on each other is key
• Grief is both a personal and shared journey
• Coping mechanisms and healing
• A call for men to speak openly about their feelings

While grief is personal, Scott highlights how it is also a shared human experience and we don’t have to compare our pain to anyone else’s. Grief may feel isolating at times, but with support and time, wounds do heal.

Quotes:

“What I realized in the moment since then is that I have to think about it in small pockets, you know? If I want to think about my son, I know that it’s going to set the tone for the rest of the day.” — Scott (07:54)

“Men like to bottle things up. And, you know, I had heard that there were some who had turned to suicide, which is unfortunate. It’s a permanent solution to a temporary problem.” — Scott (10:40)

Other Episodes You Might Appreciate:

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/we-were-excited-to-meet-you-a-fathers-stillbirth-story/id1473594556?i=1000667944403

Support the Show:

By donating $5 or $10, you’ll be supporting the ongoing production of these stories. We appreciate your help toward production and hosting costs. 

Donate here: https://ko-fi.com/stillapartofus

Thank you for your support! 

Subscribe:

YOUTUBE: 

Please subscribe to our YouTube channel for more birth stories from families who have experienced a stillbirth or infant loss. We’re grateful that you’re part of our community! https://www.youtube.com/stillapartofus

THE PODCAST:

Please subscribe to Still A Part of Us wherever you find podcasts.

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/still-a-part-of-us-a-podcast-about/id1473594556

Links: 

Grief Support Groups: https://nationalshare.org/

Some of these links are affiliate links, which means we may get a small commission off your purchase, at no extra cost to you.

Trigger Warning: This episode discusses infant loss, including miscarriage and stillbirth. Please listen with care.

While at least 25% of stillbirths are preventable, stillbirth is almost never linked to parental behavior. Still, parents often blame themselves, wondering, “Should I have done this?” or thinking, “I shouldn’t have done that.” It’s a natural response––it’s just what humans do. But families should be reassured: stillbirth is almost never linked to the behavior of the parents.

This is why we’re so honored to interview Dr. Bob Silver and Sarah Lopez, MHA, MPH, CPH, from the University of Utah Hospital and the Stillbirth Research Program at the School of Medicine.

In this episode, we discuss the research they’re doing in stillbirth detection and prevention, as well as their efforts to set up clinics and programs nationwide to better support at-risk mothers and families.

Listen to the podcast here:

Some highlights from our conversation with Dr. Bob Silver and Sarah Lopez:

• Dr. Bob Silver’s expertise in high-risk pregnancies, stillbirth, and placental issues
• Sarah Lopez’s impactful research on stillbirth
• Understanding stillbirth and common misconceptions
• The roles of preventability and parental blame
• Global trends and ongoing challenges in stillbirth research

This is an important discussion about the realities of stillbirth and the work being done behind the scenes for families. Thank you for joining us in today’s conversation!

Quotes:

“People blame themselves and they wonder, “it’s because I was stressed” or “I exercised,” or “I had sex” or “I had a beer,” or “I should have done this,” or “I shouldn’t have done that.” and parents should really be reassured that stillbirth is almost never caused by any behavior––or failure of behavior––on the part of the parents.” – Dr. Bob Silver (6:35)

“I think dads get a little overlooked. Unfortunately, while we’re focusing on mom’s physical health and well-being, dad is sometimes the silent, strong one, trying to keep it together for mom, so making sure that they have resources, too, is really helpful.” – Sarah Lopez (44:34)

Support the Show:

By donating $5 or $10, you’ll be supporting the ongoing production of these stories. We appreciate your help toward production and hosting costs. 

Donate here: https://ko-fi.com/stillapartofus

Thank you for your support! 

Subscribe:

YOUTUBE: 

Please subscribe to our YouTube channel for more birth stories from families who have experienced a stillbirth or infant loss. We’re grateful that you’re part of our community! https://www.youtube.com/stillapartofus

THE PODCAST:

Please subscribe to Still A Part of Us wherever you find podcasts.

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/still-a-part-of-us-a-podcast-about/id1473594556

Links: 

Grief Support Groups: https://nationalshare.org/

Some of these links are affiliate links, which means we may get a small commission off your purchase, at no extra cost to you.