infant death

How I Learned to Be Fine After 11 Years: A Mother’s Stillbirth Story

November 19, 2024 by Winter

Trigger Warning: This episode discusses infant loss, including miscarriage and stillbirth. Please listen with care.

After a decade has passed, the pain of losing a child never fades. Today’s guest, Jennifer, shares the challenges she’s faced since that routine checkup when she discovered her son, Nicholas, no longer had a heartbeat.

In this episode, Jennifer and Winter talk about the years following Nicholas’s passing, the sweet help she received from her family (especially from the family dog), and the meaningful ways she remembers her son to build a legacy for him.

Listen to the podcast here:

Some highlights from our conversation with Jennifer:

The importance of emotional support that doesn’t try to “fix” grief
The struggle of packing away Nicholas’s belongings after his passing
Dealing with insensitive comments and advice from others
Emotions that come up on Father’s Day
Finding solace in honoring Nicholas’s legacy

Jennifer’s story is one of strength. Through honoring Nicholas’s memory, she has been able to find both comfort and purpose. How do you keep the memory of your little one alive?

“My amazing maternal fetal medicine doctor, when I was getting moved to the rooms, gave me a hug. And she said, ‘You'll never get over this, but you will get through this’ and that stuck with me every day.” – Jennifer

Quotes:

“I know he’s in the best place he can be. But like, in my mom-heart, like, he needs to be here with his mom.” – Jennifer (13:39)

“My amazing maternal fetal medicine doctor, when I was getting moved to the rooms, gave me a hug. And she said, ‘You’ll never get over this, but you will get through this’ and that stuck with me every day.” – Jennifer (20:46)

Other Episodes You Might Appreciate:

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/telling-his-story-after-11-years-a-mothers-stillbirth-story/id1473594556?i=1000662864599

Support the Show:

By donating $5 or $10, you’ll be supporting the ongoing production of these stories. We appreciate your help toward production and hosting costs.

Donate here: https://ko-fi.com/stillapartofus

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YOUTUBE:

Please subscribe to our YouTube channel for more birth stories from families who have experienced a stillbirth or infant loss. We’re grateful that you’re part of our community! https://www.youtube.com/stillapartofus

THE PODCAST:

Please subscribe to Still A Part of Us wherever you find podcasts.

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/still-a-part-of-us-a-podcast-about/id1473594556

Links:

Grief Support Groups: https://nationalshare.org/

Some of these links are affiliate links, which means we may get a small commission off your purchase, at no extra cost to you.

How Grief Is Like Sea Glass: A Brief Note on Loss and Healing

November 19, 2024 by Winter

Trigger Warning: This episode discusses infant loss, including miscarriage and stillbirth. Please listen with care.

In this episode, Winter and Lee reflect on how they navigate the grief and loss of their sweet baby boy, Brannan. They share an update on their healing journey, how they honored Brannan’s sixth birthday, and discuss how they continue to heal while keeping his memory alive.

Lee also reads an essay he wrote about the forces that turn dangerous broken glass into something beautiful.

Listen to the podcast here:

Some highlights from our conversation with Winter and Lee:

Celebrating Brannan’s sixth birthday
Reflecting on the different phases of grief
Comparing grief to sea glass and the beauty that can come from pain
Finding solace in remembering their sweet baby boy on his birthday
How honoring their baby boy brings peace and a deeper sense of family

While the reminder of the loss of a child can be painful, it’s possible to find comfort in celebrating their life. How do you remember your child on their birthday? We’d love to hear your stories.

“This year was my son Brannan’s sixth birthday, and maybe for the first time, it was a very peaceful, calm day for me. It wasn't filled with hectic scheduling, trying to figure out how to get fundraising, or do service projects. It was a day of remembrance and a day of family.” – Lee

Quotes:

“It was nice and we didn’t go over the top. [And nobody] I don’t think we felt like we were guilting anybody to celebrate with us. And it was very well incorporated into what a birthday for a six year old would be like in our family.” – Lee and Winter (2:02)

“This year was my son Brannan’s sixth birthday, and maybe for the first time, it was a very peaceful, calm day for me. It wasn’t filled with hectic scheduling, trying to figure out how to get fundraising, or do service projects. It was a day of remembrance and a day of family.” – Lee (8:21)

Support the Show:

By donating $5 or $10, you’ll be supporting the ongoing production of these stories. We appreciate your help toward production and hosting costs.

Donate here: https://ko-fi.com/stillapartofus

Thank you for your support!

Subscribe:

YOUTUBE:

THE PODCAST:

Please subscribe to Still A Part of Us wherever you find podcasts.

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/still-a-part-of-us-a-podcast-about/id1473594556

Links:

Grief Support Groups: https://nationalshare.org/

Some of these links are affiliate links, which means we may get a small commission off your purchase, at no extra cost to you.

We Couldn’t Wait to Meet You: A Father’s Heartfelt Stillbirth Story

November 19, 2024 by Winter

Trigger Warning: This episode discusses infant loss, including miscarriage and stillbirth. Please listen with care.

There’s not only heartbreak, but resilience that comes with the loss of a child. Our guest, Scott, shares about the devastating loss of his beautiful son, Benjamin, at 40 weeks and how this has reshaped his life and strengthened his bond with his family.

In today’s episode, Scott and Lee talk about the heartbreaking moment when Scott and his wife, Veronika, discovered Benjamin had only one umbilical artery, sparking fears around the diagnosis. Scott dives into the painful experience of going to the hospital after noticing a lack of movement from Benjamin, only to hear the words no parent wants to hear: “He has no heartbeat.”

Listen to the podcast here:

Some highlights from our conversation with Scott:

The events leading up to Benjamin’s birth
Scott’s struggle to process his emotions
Arranging Benjamin’s cremation and saying goodbye
Explaining Benjamin’s passing to his two young children
The role grief support groups played in helping him process his feelings and find community

Though the pain of Benjamin’s loss remains, Scott has so much gratitude for the growth and resilience he has gained. He now approaches life with a renewed sense of purpose and awareness of what truly matters—all while carrying Benjamin’s memory.

Quotes:

‘There are problems and solutions, and you want to try to figure out how to handle this. And I didn’t know what to do in that situation. It is very confusing. It’s, it’s frightening, it’s, it’s scary, it’s heartbreaking––all at the same time.” – Scott (27:22)

“As men, we tend to bottle things up more and we try to figure out how to handle it ourselves, but it did help to kind of hear some techniques and things to work on.” – Scott (49:05)

Other Episodes You Might Appreciate:

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/how-stillbirth-strengthened-our-marriage-a-fathers/id1473594556?i=1000668757783

Support the Show:

By donating $5 or $10, you’ll be supporting the ongoing production of these stories. We appreciate your help toward production and hosting costs.

Donate here: https://ko-fi.com/stillapartofus

Thank you for your support!

Subscribe:

YOUTUBE:

THE PODCAST:

Please subscribe to Still A Part of Us wherever you find podcasts.

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/still-a-part-of-us-a-podcast-about/id1473594556

Links:

Grief Support Groups: https://nationalshare.org/

Some of these links are affiliate links, which means we may get a small commission off your purchase, at no extra cost to you.

How Stillbirth Strengthened Our Marriage: A Father’s Journey and Advice

November 19, 2024 by Winter

Trigger Warning: This episode discusses infant loss, including miscarriage and stillbirth. Please listen with care.

They say time heals all wounds, and for today’s guest, Scott, that’s been true. Although everyone’s journey through grief is different, as time passes, the process of healing can start.

In this episode, Scott shares the story of losing his son, Benjamin, due to a single umbilical artery. Scott talks with Lee about how he and his family found support from a local pastor even though they weren’t from the area. He also opens up about the challenges that grief can bring to a marriage and the importance of leaning on each one another.

Listen to the podcast here:

Some highlights from our conversation with Veronika:

Support from the church––receiving meals and prayers
How grief impacts marriages and why leaning on each other is key
Grief is both a personal and shared journey
Coping mechanisms and healing
A call for men to speak openly about their feelings

While grief is personal, Scott highlights how it is also a shared human experience and we don’t have to compare our pain to anyone else’s. Grief may feel isolating at times, but with support and time, wounds do heal.

Quotes:

“What I realized in the moment since then is that I have to think about it in small pockets, you know? If I want to think about my son, I know that it’s going to set the tone for the rest of the day.” — Scott (07:54)

“Men like to bottle things up. And, you know, I had heard that there were some who had turned to suicide, which is unfortunate. It’s a permanent solution to a temporary problem.” — Scott (10:40)

Other Episodes You Might Appreciate:

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/we-couldnt-wait-to-meet-you-a-fathers-heartfelt/id1473594556?i=1000667944403

Support the Show:

By donating $5 or $10, you’ll be supporting the ongoing production of these stories. We appreciate your help toward production and hosting costs.

Donate here: https://ko-fi.com/stillapartofus

Thank you for your support!

Subscribe:

YOUTUBE:

THE PODCAST:

Please subscribe to Still A Part of Us wherever you find podcasts.

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/still-a-part-of-us-a-podcast-about/id1473594556

Links:

Grief Support Groups: https://nationalshare.org/

Some of these links are affiliate links, which means we may get a small commission off your purchase, at no extra cost to you.

Stillbirth Uncovered: Dr. Bob Silver & Sarah Lopez on Research, Reality, and Hope

November 19, 2024 by Winter

Trigger Warning: This episode discusses infant loss, including miscarriage and stillbirth. Please listen with care.

While at least 25% of stillbirths are preventable, stillbirth is almost never linked to parental behavior. Still, parents often blame themselves, wondering, “Should I have done this?” or thinking, “I shouldn’t have done that.” It’s a natural response––it’s just what humans do. But families should be reassured: stillbirth is almost never linked to the behavior of the parents.

This is why we’re so honored to interview Dr. Bob Silver and Sarah Lopez, MHA, MPH, CPH, from the University of Utah Hospital and the Stillbirth Research Program at the School of Medicine.

In this episode, we discuss the research they’re doing in stillbirth detection and prevention, as well as their efforts to set up clinics and programs nationwide to better support at-risk mothers and families.

Listen to the podcast here:

Some highlights from our conversation with Dr. Bob Silver and Sarah Lopez:

Dr. Bob Silver’s expertise in high-risk pregnancies, stillbirth, and placental issues
Sarah Lopez’s impactful research on stillbirth
Understanding stillbirth and common misconceptions
The roles of preventability and parental blame
Global trends and ongoing challenges in stillbirth research

This is an important discussion about the realities of stillbirth and the work being done behind the scenes for families. Thank you for joining us in today’s conversation!

Quotes:

“People blame themselves and they wonder, “it’s because I was stressed” or “I exercised,” or “I had sex” or “I had a beer,” or “I should have done this,” or “I shouldn’t have done that.” and parents should really be reassured that stillbirth is almost never caused by any behavior––or failure of behavior––on the part of the parents.” – Dr. Bob Silver (6:35)

“I think dads get a little overlooked. Unfortunately, while we’re focusing on mom’s physical health and well-being, dad is sometimes the silent, strong one, trying to keep it together for mom, so making sure that they have resources, too, is really helpful.” – Sarah Lopez (44:34)

Support the Show:

By donating $5 or $10, you’ll be supporting the ongoing production of these stories. We appreciate your help toward production and hosting costs.

Donate here: https://ko-fi.com/stillapartofus

Thank you for your support!

Subscribe:

YOUTUBE:

THE PODCAST:

Please subscribe to Still A Part of Us wherever you find podcasts.

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/still-a-part-of-us-a-podcast-about/id1473594556

Links:

Grief Support Groups: https://nationalshare.org/

Some of these links are affiliate links, which means we may get a small commission off your purchase, at no extra cost to you.

“I Had Just Heard His Heartbeat”: A Mother’s Story of Stillbirth and Strength

November 19, 2024 by Winter

Trigger Warning: This episode discusses infant loss, including miscarriage and stillbirth. Please listen with care.

Hours after hearing her son’s strong heartbeat at a final checkup, Veronika received the devastating news that her sweet Benjamin had passed away. Looking back on her challenging pregnancy, Veronika shares the heartbreak of losing Benjamin at 40 weeks from having only one umbilical artery, and the impact it has had on her life.

In this episode, Veronika opens up about her pregnancy, finding a new OB-GYN, and hearing Benjamin’s heartbeat only to be told he had passed.

Listen to the podcast here:

Highlights from our conversation with Veronika:

The emotional impact of the ultrasound and fears that something was wrong
The overwhelming emotions and confusion surrounding her experience
Receiving support from her church community
Challenges with funeral home arrangements
Allowing her other children to grieve and how they helped her through the loss

Veronika’s story is a reminder of the different ways each person grieves. Her story shines a light on the importance of self-compassion, community, and getting support from loved ones.

Quotes:

“She said, ‘Mommy, I’m very sorry Benjamin didn’t get to know you. You’re a great mommy, and he didn’t get to know how good you are.’ And that was just the absolute sweetest thing.” – Veronika (17:49)

“I didn’t scream or cry—I just shut down. I wanted to be left alone. I was really irritated by all the staff coming in, and, you know, you still had to deliver that baby, so you can’t just get up and go home. You still have to go through all of that.” – Veronika (40:55)

Other Episodes You Might Appreciate:

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/since-my-baby-passed-powerful-life-lessons-from-a/id1473594556?i=1000671153704

Support the Show:

By donating $5 or $10, you’ll be supporting the ongoing production of these stories. We appreciate your help toward production and hosting costs.

Donate here: https://ko-fi.com/stillapartofus

Thank you for your support!

Subscribe:

YOUTUBE:

THE PODCAST:

Please subscribe to Still A Part of Us wherever you find podcasts.

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/still-a-part-of-us-a-podcast-about/id1473594556

Links:

Grief Support Groups: https://nationalshare.org/

Some of these links are affiliate links, which means we may get a small commission off your purchase, at no extra cost to you.

Since My Baby Passed: Powerful Life Lessons from a Stillbirth Mother

November 19, 2024 by Winter

Trigger Warning: This episode discusses infant loss, including miscarriage and stillbirth. Please listen with care.

Nothing can prepare you for navigating life after the stillbirth of your child. My guest, Veronika, shares her experience of grieving her son, Benjamin, who only had one umbilical artery. She opens up about the comfort she found in community support, the challenges of loss, and the words that have been both helpful and hurtful along the way.

In this episode, Veronika reflects on the church’s compassion and support that surrounded her and her husband, Scott, during their grief. She also discusses what helped, what hurt, and how each of them processed their loss in unique ways.

Listen to the podcast here:

Some highlights from our conversation with Veronika:

The emotional impact of not knowing the cause of Benjamin’s passing
Why grieving a child is different from other types of loss
The importance of self-compassion and resisting self-blame
Ways Veronika and Scott supported one another
Finding comfort in hearing others’ stories of loss

Veronika’s story is a reminder of the unique ways each person grieves. Her journey sheds light on the importance of self-compassion, community, and openhearted support from loved ones. Through shared stories and compassionate listening, healing becomes possible.

Quotes:

“There’s no exact reason why, and you kind of want to have that, because that could, I feel like, help you in a lot of ways to process and grieve. Your mind just wants to know why and what went wrong.” – Veronika (01:23)

“But when people from your church family tell you, like, ‘This was the Lord’s will,’ and ‘Everything, you know, works out,’ that’s not what you want to hear at that moment. You need to find that out for yourself, not somebody on the outside, or someone who’s never gone through it trying to encourage you.” – Veronika (22:12)

Other Episodes You Might Appreciate:

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/i-had-just-heard-his-heartbeat-a-mothers-story/id1473594556?i=1000670284332

Support the Show:

By donating $5 or $10, you’ll be supporting the ongoing production of these stories. We appreciate your help toward production and hosting costs.

Donate here: https://ko-fi.com/stillapartofus

Thank you for your support!

Subscribe:

YOUTUBE:

THE PODCAST:

Please subscribe to Still A Part of Us wherever you find podcasts.

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/still-a-part-of-us-a-podcast-about/id1473594556

Links:

Grief Support Groups: https://nationalshare.org/

Some of these links are affiliate links, which means we may get a small commission off your purchase, at no extra cost to you.

She Had a Full Head of Dark Hair: A Mother’s Heartfelt Stillbirth Story

November 19, 2024 by Winter

Trigger Warning: This episode discusses infant loss, including miscarriage and stillbirth. Please listen with care.

Being a young mom of two is both beautiful and challenging. But when you become pregnant and experience constant morning sickness throughout the entire pregnancy––that adds another level of difficulty.

In this episode, our guest, Melissa, shares the moments leading up to the birth of her baby girl, Patricia, who was stillborn at 36 weeks due to a pinched cord. Even though this happened over 16 years ago, Melissa’s love for Patricia has only grown, just like any mother’s love for her child.

Listen to the podcast here:

Some highlights from our conversation with Meilssa include:

The challenges of morning sickness
Navigating pregnancy and early appointments
The third trimester and an unusual, concerning strong kick
Time spent with Patricia after her birth
The emotional impact of funeral arrangements

Melissa’s story is a powerful reminder of love, support, and the journey of healing and this conversation truly highlights the bond between a mother and her child and the resilience that comes in the face of unimaginable loss.

"They had to give me something to sleep because, you know, here are all the other babies, and I don’t have mine, and all I had was a stuffed animal.” – Melissa

Quotes:

“They left me in the labor and delivery room, so it was like I was able to hear the other babies. And then that is when I, once everyone left, is when I started crying. They had to give me something to sleep because, you know, here are all the other babies, and I don’t have mine, and all I had was a stuffed animal.” – Melissa (31:07)

“Even though I know it’s not my fault, you know, I would think, like, what did I do wrong?” – Melissa (31:35)

Other Episodes You Might Appreciate:

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/16-years-of-remembrance-melissas-journey-with/id1473594556?i=1000672862574

Support the Show:

By donating $5 or $10, you’ll be supporting the ongoing production of these stories. We appreciate your help toward production and hosting costs.

Donate here: https://ko-fi.com/stillapartofus

Thank you for your support!

Subscribe:

YOUTUBE:

THE PODCAST:

Please subscribe to Still A Part of Us wherever you find podcasts.
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/still-a-part-of-us-a-podcast-about/id1473594556

Links:

Grief Support Groups: https://nationalshare.org/
Some of these links are affiliate links, which means we may get a small commission off your purchase, at no extra cost to you.

16 Years of Remembrance: Melissa’s Journey With Grief and Honoring Her Daughter, Patricia

November 19, 2024 by Winter

Melissa’s daughter, Patricia, was born 16 years ago. Tragically, due to a cord accident, Patricia did not survive. Though it’s been 16 years, Melissa continues to not only remember, but celebrate her daughter’s life.

In this episode, Melissa shares her journey of remembrance and grief and we discuss the importance of understanding that these heartbreaking situations are not your fault.

Listen to the podcast here:

Some highlights from our conversation with Meilssa include:

Coping with the loss of her daughter, Patricia
Her children’s connection to their sister
Ways Melissa keeps Patricia’s memory alive
The different ways people experience grief
Melissa’s mental and emotional journey during subsequent pregnancies

Whether it’s been six months or 16 years since the loss of a child, grief can resurface on birthdays or even in everyday moments. You may catch yourself wondering “What would they be doing now?” or “What would they look like?” The grief is always there in some way, but hearing others’ stories can bring comfort and we hope Melissa’s story brings you that sense of understanding and connection.

Quotes:

“In the moment of holding her and spending a little bit of time with her, I tried to enjoy it, and it was good––I held it together pretty well after, until that night…” – Melissa (1:48)

“I always had it in the back of my mind that, you know, something would go wrong, that it could happen again. And that was just always something that stayed with me.” – Melissa (9:12)

Other Episodes You Might Appreciate:

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/she-had-a-full-head-of-dark-hair-a/id1473594556?i=1000671902845

Support the Show:

By donating $5 or $10, you’ll be supporting the ongoing production of these stories. We appreciate your help toward production and hosting costs.

Donate here: https://ko-fi.com/stillapartofus

Thank you for your support!

Subscribe:

YOUTUBE:

THE PODCAST:

Please subscribe to Still A Part of Us wherever you find podcasts.

Links:

Grief Support Groups: https://nationalshare.org/

Some of these links are affiliate links, which means we may get a small commission off your purchase, at no extra cost to you.

Stillborn At 19 Weeks: I Was Excited For You To Meet All Of Your Siblings

November 19, 2024 by Winter

Today, we’re joined by an incredible guest, Elizabeth, who has experienced unimaginable heartbreak—11 losses. Through her strength and resilience, Elizabeth is here to share her journey, offering hope and comfort to others who may be navigating a similar journey.

Watch the podcast here:

Elizabeth and her husband, Jacob, are parents to a big family, including six living children—all whose names begin with “L.” Elizabeth is a homeschooling mom, a church pianist, and leads a children’s music class at church. Jacob works as a truck driver and preacher, having served in ministry for over a year at the time of this recording.

In this episode, we are focusing on the story of one child in particular, Lael. Elizabeth shares the story of Lael, who was stillborn at 19 weeks due to complications with the placenta. She opens up about her journey of multiple losses before Lael, finding a compassionate OBGYN, and reflects on the day she gave birth to Lael.

Listen to the podcast here:

Some highlights from our conversation with Elizabeth include:

Elizabeth’s gratitude for her six living children and the grief from her losses
Pregnancy, early ultrasounds, and the process of navigating healthcare after multiple miscarriages
The emotions around her diagnosis and her family’s response to bringing Lael home
How Elizabeth leaned into her faith, trusting God’s plan, and finding strength in His presence
The difficulty of grieving privately and holding space for her other children

Hearing Elizabeth’s journey is both heart-wrenching and inspiring. I hope this episode encourages you to honor your own healing process and to lean on loved ones and community for support during challenging times.

Quotes:

“She said, ‘It looks like you’re out of the woods,’ and I honestly believed that with all my heart––that everything had been fine, that God was just going to allow that to be a trying of faith on my part, and that was going to be all it was, and I was going to have a healthy baby, and everything was going to be fine” – Elizabeth (22:53)

“And even though the Lord was like, am I not enough, in that moment, He still was faithful to give me a verse, because in that same chapter, it says it is God that girth me with strength and make it my way perfect. And so he was just reminding me, I’m going to be your strength in this.” – Elizabeth (1:12:16)