Still a Part of Us

grief

“I Had Just Heard His Heartbeat”: A Mother’s Story of Stillbirth and Strength

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Trigger Warning: This episode discusses infant loss, including miscarriage and stillbirth. Please listen with care.

Hours after hearing her son’s strong heartbeat at a final checkup, Veronika received the devastating news that her sweet Benjamin had passed away. Looking back on her challenging pregnancy, Veronika shares the heartbreak of losing Benjamin at 40 weeks from having only one umbilical artery, and the impact it has had on her life.

In this episode, Veronika opens up about her pregnancy, finding a new OB-GYN, and hearing Benjamin’s heartbeat only to be told he had passed.

Listen to the podcast here:

Highlights from our conversation with Veronika:

  • The emotional impact of the ultrasound and fears that something was wrong
  • The overwhelming emotions and confusion surrounding her experience
  • Receiving support from her church community
  • Challenges with funeral home arrangements
  • Allowing her other children to grieve and how they helped her through the loss

Veronika’s story is a reminder of the different ways each person grieves. Her story shines a light on the importance of self-compassion, community, and getting support from loved ones.

"She said, 'Mommy, I'm very sorry Benjamin didn't get to know you. You're a great mommy, and he didn't get to know how good you are.' And that was just the absolute sweetest thing." – Veronika

Quotes:

“She said, ‘Mommy, I’m very sorry Benjamin didn’t get to know you. You’re a great mommy, and he didn’t get to know how good you are.’ And that was just the absolute sweetest thing.” – Veronika (17:49)

“I didn’t scream or cry—I just shut down. I wanted to be left alone. I was really irritated by all the staff coming in, and, you know, you still had to deliver that baby, so you can’t just get up and go home. You still have to go through all of that.” – Veronika (40:55)

Other Episodes You Might Appreciate:

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/since-my-baby-passed-powerful-life-lessons-from-a/id1473594556?i=1000671153704

Support the Show:

By donating $5 or $10, you’ll be supporting the ongoing production of these stories. We appreciate your help toward production and hosting costs. 

Donate here: https://ko-fi.com/stillapartofus

Thank you for your support! 

Subscribe:

YOUTUBE: 

Please subscribe to our YouTube channel for more birth stories from families who have experienced a stillbirth or infant loss. We’re grateful that you’re part of our community! https://www.youtube.com/stillapartofus

THE PODCAST:

Please subscribe to Still A Part of Us wherever you find podcasts.

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/still-a-part-of-us-a-podcast-about/id1473594556

Links: 

Grief Support Groups: https://nationalshare.org/

Some of these links are affiliate links, which means we may get a small commission off your purchase, at no extra cost to you.

Since My Baby Passed: Powerful Life Lessons from a Stillbirth Mother

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Trigger Warning: This episode discusses infant loss, including miscarriage and stillbirth. Please listen with care.

Nothing can prepare you for navigating life after the stillbirth of your child. My guest, Veronika, shares her experience of grieving her son, Benjamin, who only had one umbilical artery. She opens up about the comfort she found in community support, the challenges of loss, and the words that have been both helpful and hurtful along the way.

In this episode, Veronika reflects on the church’s compassion and support that surrounded her and her husband, Scott, during their grief. She also discusses what helped, what hurt, and how each of them processed their loss in unique ways.

Listen to the podcast here:

Some highlights from our conversation with Veronika:

  • The emotional impact of not knowing the cause of Benjamin’s passing
  • Why grieving a child is different from other types of loss
  • The importance of self-compassion and resisting self-blame
  • Ways Veronika and Scott supported one another 
  • Finding comfort in hearing others’ stories of loss

Veronika’s story is a reminder of the unique ways each person grieves. Her journey sheds light on the importance of self-compassion, community, and openhearted support from loved ones. Through shared stories and compassionate listening, healing becomes possible.

“There’s no exact reason why, and you kind of want to have that, because that could, I feel like, help you in a lot of ways to process and grieve. Your mind just wants to know why and what went wrong.” – Veronika

Quotes:

“There’s no exact reason why, and you kind of want to have that, because that could, I feel like, help you in a lot of ways to process and grieve. Your mind just wants to know why and what went wrong.” – Veronika (01:23)

“But when people from your church family tell you, like, ‘This was the Lord’s will,’ and ‘Everything, you know, works out,’ that’s not what you want to hear at that moment. You need to find that out for yourself, not somebody on the outside, or someone who’s never gone through it trying to encourage you.” – Veronika (22:12)

Other Episodes You Might Appreciate:

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/i-had-just-heard-his-heartbeat-a-mothers-story/id1473594556?i=1000670284332

Support the Show:

By donating $5 or $10, you’ll be supporting the ongoing production of these stories. We appreciate your help toward production and hosting costs. 

Donate here: https://ko-fi.com/stillapartofus

Thank you for your support! 

Subscribe:

YOUTUBE: 

Please subscribe to our YouTube channel for more birth stories from families who have experienced a stillbirth or infant loss. We’re grateful that you’re part of our community! https://www.youtube.com/stillapartofus

THE PODCAST:

Please subscribe to Still A Part of Us wherever you find podcasts.

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/still-a-part-of-us-a-podcast-about/id1473594556

Links: 

Grief Support Groups: https://nationalshare.org/

Some of these links are affiliate links, which means we may get a small commission off your purchase, at no extra cost to you.

She Had a Full Head of Dark Hair: A Mother’s Heartfelt Stillbirth Story

by

Trigger Warning: This episode discusses infant loss, including miscarriage and stillbirth. Please listen with care.

Being a young mom of two is both beautiful and challenging. But when you become pregnant and experience constant morning sickness throughout the entire pregnancy––that adds another level of difficulty.

In this episode, our guest, Melissa, shares the moments leading up to the birth of her baby girl, Patricia, who was stillborn at 36 weeks due to a pinched cord. Even though this happened over 16 years ago, Melissa’s love for Patricia has only grown, just like any mother’s love for her child.

Listen to the podcast here:

Some highlights from our conversation with Meilssa include:

  • The challenges of morning sickness
  • Navigating pregnancy and early appointments
  • The third trimester and an unusual, concerning strong kick
  • Time spent with Patricia after her birth
  • The emotional impact of funeral arrangements

Melissa’s story is a powerful reminder of love, support, and the journey of healing and this conversation truly highlights the bond between a mother and her child and the resilience that comes in the face of unimaginable loss.

"They had to give me something to sleep because, you know, here are all the other babies, and I don’t have mine, and all I had was a stuffed animal.” – Melissa

Quotes:

“They left me in the labor and delivery room, so it was like I was able to hear the other babies. And then that is when I, once everyone left, is when I started crying. They had to give me something to sleep because, you know, here are all the other babies, and I don’t have mine, and all I had was a stuffed animal.” – Melissa (31:07)

“Even though I know it’s not my fault, you know, I would think, like, what did I do wrong?” – Melissa (31:35)

Other Episodes You Might Appreciate:

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/16-years-of-remembrance-melissas-journey-with/id1473594556?i=1000672862574

Support the Show:

By donating $5 or $10, you’ll be supporting the ongoing production of these stories. We appreciate your help toward production and hosting costs. 

Donate here: https://ko-fi.com/stillapartofus

Thank you for your support! 

Subscribe:

YOUTUBE: 

Please subscribe to our YouTube channel for more birth stories from families who have experienced a stillbirth or infant loss. We’re grateful that you’re part of our community! https://www.youtube.com/stillapartofus

THE PODCAST:

Please subscribe to Still A Part of Us wherever you find podcasts.
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/still-a-part-of-us-a-podcast-about/id1473594556

Links: 

Grief Support Groups: https://nationalshare.org/
Some of these links are affiliate links, which means we may get a small commission off your purchase, at no extra cost to you.

16 Years of Remembrance: Melissa’s Journey With Grief and Honoring Her Daughter, Patricia

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Melissa’s daughter, Patricia, was born 16 years ago. Tragically, due to a cord accident, Patricia did not survive. Though it’s been 16 years, Melissa continues to not only remember, but celebrate her daughter’s life.

In this episode, Melissa shares her journey of remembrance and grief and we discuss the importance of understanding that these heartbreaking situations are not your fault.

Listen to the podcast here:

Some highlights from our conversation with Meilssa include:

  • Coping with the loss of her daughter, Patricia
  • Her children’s connection to their sister
  • Ways Melissa keeps Patricia’s memory alive
  • The different ways people experience grief
  • Melissa’s mental and emotional journey during subsequent pregnancies

Whether it’s been six months or 16 years since the loss of a child, grief can resurface on birthdays or even in everyday moments. You may catch yourself wondering “What would they be doing now?” or “What would they look like?” The grief is always there in some way, but hearing others’ stories can bring comfort and we hope Melissa’s story brings you that sense of understanding and connection.

Quotes:

“I always had it in the back of my mind that, you know, something would go wrong, that it could happen again. And that was just always something that stayed with me.” – Melissa

“In the moment of holding her and spending a little bit of time with her, I tried to enjoy it, and it was good––I held it together pretty well after, until that night…” – Melissa (1:48)

“I always had it in the back of my mind that, you know, something would go wrong, that it could happen again. And that was just always something that stayed with me.” – Melissa (9:12)

Other Episodes You Might Appreciate:

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/she-had-a-full-head-of-dark-hair-a/id1473594556?i=1000671902845

Support the Show:

By donating $5 or $10, you’ll be supporting the ongoing production of these stories. We appreciate your help toward production and hosting costs. 

Donate here: https://ko-fi.com/stillapartofus

Thank you for your support! 

Subscribe:

YOUTUBE: 

Please subscribe to our YouTube channel for more birth stories from families who have experienced a stillbirth or infant loss. We’re grateful that you’re part of our community! https://www.youtube.com/stillapartofus

THE PODCAST:

Please subscribe to Still A Part of Us wherever you find podcasts.

Links: 

Grief Support Groups: https://nationalshare.org/

Some of these links are affiliate links, which means we may get a small commission off your purchase, at no extra cost to you.

A Brief Note on Grief: Prepositions of Place and Grief

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We’re Going on a Bear Hunt by Helen Oxenbury and Michael Rosen

Full Transcript

Welcome to Still A Part of Us. This is Winter Redd and this is A Brief Note on Grief:

I’ve always been a language nerd and I’ve delighted in breaking down sentences and how they’re created. I even won my 5th grade Language Bee where I successfully named all the parts of a complex sentence: subject, verb, direct object, indirect object. One of my favorites of the English language are prepositions of place: in, around, past, on, for, under, along–you get the picture. It generally describes where a person or object is located.

You can imagine my delight when my husband introduced me to one of his favorite children’s books called “We’re Going on a Bear Hunt” when our first daughter was born. It tells the story of a family of 5 who set off to catch a bear, a big one, of course, on a beautiful day. We know that they’re not scared–they tell us on each page.

As the journey progresses, you see them encounter some sort of physical barrier–tall grasses, a patch of mud, a whirling snowstorm–and they exclaim each time:

“Oh no!

We can’t go over it.

We can’t go under it.

We’ve got to go through it.”

And they go through each thing standing in their way (with fun sound effects). They trudge through the thick, oozy mud. They wade through the deep, cold river. They stumble through the big, dark forest. 

And this is how it is with grief. The journey is messy. The journey is uncomfortable and even painful. And ultimately, you can’t go over it. You can’t go under it. You’ve got to go through it.

I hope this helps you today.

Please see the shownotes for a link to the picture book “We’re Going on a Bear Hunt”.